And how the experience of death blunted me emotionally

Show weakness? Showing that you’re not feeling well? Nowadays, it’s almost like a scandal. We always want to present ourselves from our best side, show how strong we are, not only physically but also mentally. It is not at all fitting for us to show weakness. But showing weakness is a strength in itself.

If you say you’re always feeling top, I assume you’re lying. I think everybody’s going to feel shitty sometimes. Everybody has feelings. Only some people are better at suppressing them and pretending that nothing can shock them. But what are the consequences?

It also happened to myself. Last year, a lot happened in my family, which really hit me hard. But I started suppressing my feelings. I was about to graduate from school and had to focus on it, because the degree was essential for my future. My grandfather died and my father’s life was also hanging by a thread because he was seriously ill. And it’s just hard to concentrate on the school and all the learning when you have to think about the situation at home all the time. Think about what might happen in the hospital right now.

Because of this, I started to suppress my feelings, to think as little as possible about all these things and to be less concerned with myself in general. Emotional ebb tide.

One year later, I am beginning to become aware of the consequences of this action. I think all this has gotten pretty anchored in my subconscious mind. I show less emotions than before and I had difficulties with it.

So it’s no wonder that I haven’t been able to gain any experience in some areas with my 18 years of age, for example in the field of love. It’s just hard for me to show a girl my feelings, especially because of the attitude that I’m subconsciously trying to avoid anything that could affect me emotionally.

I really hope that the phrase “Time heals all wounds” is true…